Okay here goes, I will try not to make this one giant run on sentence but I am typing it on an iPad so no guarantees…from here on out the offender will be referred to as “Zombie”.
I was sitting at my kitchen table reviewing a pile of paperwork that I had just received from my insurance agent via mail due to the fact that my wife’s car was stolen out of my driveway the previous day. It was approximately 6 PM give or take and I heard my gate scraping my driveway which is not uncommon when the wind is blowing at a high rate. The problem was that the wind was not blowing particularly hard and there was little reason for my gate to be opening on its own. It was completely dark outside (December-ish) and I looked out my kitchen window, but being that my backyard light was not switched on I could see next to nothing. So I grabbed my Glock off the top of my refrigerator where I usually keep it while I am not wearing it due to the fact that I have a 6 year old son that I obviously want to have no access to.
I slowly opened up the back door which leads into my fenced backyard and looked to my left and noticed my privacy gate opened approximately halfway. I stepped outside and looked to my right and noticed Zombie facing away from me and it appeared as though he was attempting to gain entry to my shed which is padlocked and roughly 40 feet away from where I was currently standing.
At this point I yelled at Zombie (no idea what I said exactly because my mind was kinda in a WTF moment at this point), Zombie turned his head and looked at me, turned his head back towards my shed, then turned his entire body towards me and began sprinting in my direction. Was he sprinting at me? Was he sprinting at his only escape route being the open gate? I have no idea. It was dark, I had no light, but from what I could see his hands were empty.
He covered that 40 feet in what seemed like about 32 milliseconds and I hit him in the face with the only thing I had available at my disposal, a Glock 19. I took a wild swing hoping to break his nose into 50 pieces and missed, I ended up hitting Zombie above the left eye, he stopped, I staggered back a couple steps and dropped my gun. Yeah, I dropped my gun.
I grabbed him by his hooded sweatshirt and was able to get him on his back and began beating him into the pavement which by the way seemed to have little effect on Mr. Zombie. He didn’t put up much of a fight and he didn’t make a sound (very eery for somebody who is getting beaten). Zombie was missing a strip of skin at the impact site and I remember thinking how funny that was. He finally began fighting after a few seconds and that is where my right fist went full bore into the concrete. Ouch.
I had my left hand grasping his hoodie around the drawstring area of his hoodie and that is the point that he flipped me off to his left side, proceeded to get up and bolt for the open gate. I got my old ass up and chased him out the gate and stopped near the end of my driveway as he jetted east towards River Drive. I stopped because I had 2 kids in the house alone, and a Glock laying outside my back door.
It didn’t really hit me until about a half hour later what had just happened. It was a cold night, Zombie only had a hoodie on, was apparently impervious to pain, was either trying to break into my shed, or trying to sexually molest my master lock (not sure which) and he had zero expression on his face and didn’t say a word. I was asked how long the whole encounter lasted but I cannot answer that. Somewhere between 10 seconds and 10 hours would be my best guess.
1. Don’t leave your kids inside the house alone with the fucking door open.
2. Don’t drop your gun.
3. Don’t get complacent and let the bad guy roll you off of him.
4. Always leave exterior lights on at night.
5. Don’t investigate strange noises at night without a light dumbass.
6. Don’t drop your gun.
7. Chain up the privacy gate.
8. Don’t drop your gun.